On Marriage and Divorce

When God created man and woman he brought them together in a union intended to last their lifetime. Today marriage seems to have lost its value as many enter into it lightly, and when dissatisfied, casually take their leave.

The recent statistics point to one in two marriages ending in divorce. This is a sad reflection of a world in which commitment and covenant are alien concepts, but family breakdown and spousal abuse, the norm. Indeed, the Word of God states that one of the signs that human civilization is approaching its own end is that people will become covenant breakers. (2 Timothy 3: 1-5)

This is not what God intended. Marriage is to be a lifelong commitment between two partners who, together, fulfill the purpose of God for their individual and united lives. The strength of this union is so powerful that the Word of God uses it to parallel the relationship between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33).

In reality, many enter marriage without the right foundations, ill-equipped to fulfill their roles, and unable to make the necessary adjustments for the relationship to work. When total collapse is evident, divorce seems inevitable.

Divorce is almost always painful. Regardless of how shallow the initial feelings of love or desire, hearts are broken when the fateful decision is made. Where lives have been intermingled for years, the process of healing may take as long. It is even more difficult where children are involved for they often blame themselves and struggle for a sense of identity and belonging.

God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). It indicates a violent internal resistance to the covenant relationship He established. All divorce stems from a failure of one or both partners to live in accordance with scriptural guidelines for love, trust, commitment, and understanding. God recognizes that men and women are stubborn and hard-hearted (Matthew 19:8). It is for this reason that the Word of God permits divorce in certain situations.

Under the Old Testament law, a wife was at the mercy of her husband who could divorce her if he were not pleased with her (Deuteronomy 24:1). Jesus clarified this as a concession but reiterated that it was a deviation from the original intent (Matthew 19:1-12). He further narrowed this exception declaring that divorce is only permissible where there is sexual unfaithfulness. To counteract the abuses of the wife under the old law, and contrary to the social and cultural values of the time, Jesus shifted the focus from the man's liberty to his responsibility for the woman's condition.

Further guidelines are provided where the situation involves a Christian believer married to an unbeliever. Again, the general rule is that marriage is for life. If a partner becomes born again, he or she is not required to immediately sever the marriage, if the non-believing spouse is content to remain in the marriage. But if the nonbeliever desires to leave, the Christian is not obligated to remain in the marriage (1 Corinthians 7:10-16).

There are many other situations for which the Bible does not provide specific guidelines. Consequently, some misguided spouses, particularly women, have been forced to stay in relationships that are contrary to God's plan and purpose for marriage. An unclear understanding of God's word is no reason to stay in an abusive relationship. The standard for marital relations remains the love that Christ has for his Church (Ephesians 6:24).

For those seeking to start over, God is a God of forgiveness who can cleanse hearts and consciences of past failures. It is in submitting our lives to the God of love and the Creator of marriage that we are empowered to be successful, loving and trustworthy mates.